Been awhile since I wrote a blog but just as many previous mornings before I can't sleep and just had to get up and do something. I am not sure if the restlessness is from the hours I work now at Amazon or my mind just racing trying to figure out how to get back to where I was once was before. Or it may just be my Wonderful, Amazing and Never Boring ADHD LOL!!!
The last 4 1/2 months have been super challenging for me and were many days I just wanted to give up, but NO I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!
You see if you pay close attention the universe has a way of putting something in your face that says you are on the right track, just keep pushing.
You know my old wrestling coach Mike Lambros used to say "Ralphie Don't You Ever Get Pinned and You Better Give Me and Your Team 110 % Till That Last Buzzer Goes Off!" That being said at the end of my senior year of wrestling my record was 29-8(Never Pinned). I received the wrestling award "HARD NOSE OF THE YEAR" and later received "MOST ATHLETIC AWARD" for over all sports played and at the time I was only 5'8 and 135 pounds.
The funny thing is I had to pull out my Senior Yearbook to fact check my records and just like I said before the universe has a way of showing you something that makes you push on.
Looking at my yearbook wrestling page someone that I had dated in High School and that we tragically lost later that year wrote over my wrestling picture "Hunk" funny how just that can change your whole outlook on a day. Also looking at my yearbook wow what a great bunch of memories and amazing people that went to North Davidson High School!!!! SHOUT OUT TO THE CLASSES OF NDSH!!!
But getting back on topic "Is Finding Happiness again Achievable? I do believe it is achievable, but it will take a whole lot of hard work and many days alone of soul searching. The one thing I have determined I know in my experience I will never love again like I did before or give someone my whole heart. Which in some ways is really sad because I have always been the type of person that would give you my last dollar if you needed it, but in other ways I have learned that you should keep 50% of your heart to love yourself. You see that 50% you keep for yourself is what makes you special and honestly is what makes the world love you.
Now I have learned my faults, and I will never repeat them again if a relationship happens to come my way, but I also know that 50 % of the love you keep for yourself is what will help you find "Happiness" again.
You see it happened last night while I was entertaining at Music Bingo. When I entertain, I usually go all out with crazy outfits or wigs. I have never been that person that has conformed into what society believes you should be like. Now the last few months I have questioned my actions and considered conforming and fading away into the crowd, but I have pushed myself really hard not to do that.
You see last night I made the night I would celebrate my birthday with the group that comes to Hoptown Brewery to play Music Bingo. I went all out and bought me an Indian head dress and put on my war paint and went out and gave the crowd the best show possible. It was an amazing night, and everyone seemed to have such a great time, we even did the "Village People YMCA!!"... But still at the end of the night I wasn't sure if I should still be the clown on the stage or not. Again, the universe will slap you in the face and tell you this is what you meant to be doing.
At the end of the show person after person came up telling me "WOW" we been to other Music Bingo Events, but you take it to another level. A family who had family members visiting from Ireland said they could just sit and watch me entertain all night and not even play Bingo. A couple of the ladies from their group also mentioned how they really enjoyed looking at my abs LOL. That made me laugh and also made me feel really good because I have worked really hard to get back in shape from where I was years ago.
But what put the icing on the cake was my special needs Friends and Their Family Members that took over the show at the halfway point to give me a birthday bag and had the crowd sing Happy Birthday to me! Thats when I knew I was doing what the universe wants me to be doing. Also, when I got home seeing what they had wrote on the birthday card and put in the bag!!! TOO COOL!!!!
So, know this if you're going through a tough time right now keep pushing.... it will get better, and you will find your happiness again, I promise. Work on yourself and find that thing that makes you shine, because that thing that you love and makes you shine will put so many smiles on others faces.
I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July!!!! I Love You All and I hope you enjoyed reading my blog.
Psalm16:11
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